Chapters of Leadership - Settling
Complete Settling Chapter
Intro
Your Story of Leadership
Imagine with me you are the main character of a story and everyone you knew was reading it. Now imagine the story is centered around your journey as a leader ~ are you excited for them to read it? Are there chapters in the story you want redacted? What would you title it? What would those who have worked with you title it? Would you be excited to see your leadership story written, edited, published and brought to the public conscience? Who are the supporting characters in the story who help you reach your full potential? Do you know how you want the story to end?
Don’t judge my story based on the chapter you walked in on
Here is a confession - for a long time my paradigm for leadership centered around my willingness to step in and make a decision, give opinions and tell people what they should do - requested or not. What I have come to learn, through many years of failing, is this was simply a chapter in my leadership story - not leadership defining. And so, though this was a faulty paradigm, it was a necessary chapter in my story towards finding a deeper and richer understanding of what leading actually means.
I want to encourage you, regardless of where you are in your leadership story, to stop and recognize you are in a chapter of your ongoing story. Whether you feel you are making no difference, impacting on a large scale or somewhere in between, the canvas of your leadership is being colored in by each chapter.
Throughout the past 2+ decades of leading myself, others and teams, I have found four distinct chapters of leadership. Each of these are distinct, definitive and dynamic aimed to take us further into our journey. Similarly to a good story, they have ingredients which connect you to the metanarrative - in our story of leadership these ingredients are purpose, indicators, key responsibilities and emotional connection.
Don’t judge YOUR story based on the chapter you are walking in now
Possessing awareness of these key chapters I have derived from my leadership story - from settling to perfecting there is a shared understanding and experience. As the unknown author of the quote above states, don’t let others base your leadership present, past or future on the chapter they walked in on. Even more importantly…don’t judge your own story based on the chapter you are in right now. In the pursuit to be well | rooted, there is always more to learn, hills to climb, chapters to write, depths to discover and lest we forget heights from which we can fall.
Part One
It Can Be Unsettling Can’t It?
It’s like that queasy feeling you get on a roller coaster at the bottom of a steep drop, as you quickly ascend to the heights of its tracks. You are probably feeling it right now or it is something you have certainly felt in your story of leadership – that moment where you realize you’ve been put in some type of leadership position, a new promotion, a new team, a new area of the business and deep down something feels unstable beneath you.
All Things Are Difficult Until They Are Easy
In chapter one, we find ourselves in the SETTLING part of our story. It isn’t the type of settling you’d give homage to the first pioneers, but more like the sands in an hourglass settling from one end to the other when you flip it to the opposite side. Like the up-and-down roller coaster, this chapter feels erratic at times.
Through his organization (@The Table Group) Patrick Lencioni developed the Working Genius Assessment™. Through it we have an accessible framework to understand the ways in which we will find energy or be drained through the work we do on a daily basis. He places these in three categories - Genius | Competency | Frustration.
Retrospectively, now knowing my genius, I see more clearly the purpose hidden within the chapter of settling - it is a time of discovering your genius. Discovering those natural gifts and talents showing up to impact others. The most vivid memory of the beginnings of my settling chapter was around eight years old in Macon, MO. It was a small clearing in some woods near my home. There I would lay on my back and ask a thousand questions about how everything got here, why did I matter to the world, what was I supposed to do with my life, etc.
The Ones Who Get Hurt On Roller Coasters are Those Who Jump Off
It was discouraging, frustrating and it often made me want to give up because I couldn’t find “that thing” to help me become a leader who made a genuine impact in the lives of others. I not only wanted to stop reading the chapter, but I wanted out of the story. You may feel like nothing is natural for you and that everything feels hard. I want to encourage you to stay in the story. If we are going to be well | rooted leaders, it requires us to lean towards the vacillating aspects of this chapter. Remember, for something to be discovered it first has to be hidden. But consider this question – is it hidden FROM you or FOR you?
Part Two
What Do Those Lights Mean?
Every vehicle has those nagging lights on the dashboard. They are specific in nature and designed to get our attention. Yet, if you are anything like me, you can be tempted to ignore them for fear of what is triggering them to light up. It took me a bit of time…ok, it took me way longer than I care to admit, to realize those lights are not inherently bad – they are actually for my benefit. In my immaturity, I would only see those lights and assume there was something inherently bad associated with it and so avoidance was the modus operandi.
Awareness Increases the Capacity for Acceptance
Continuing in our chapter of SETTLING and moving on from the purpose of it. It's critical for us to have awareness when we are in a particular chapter of our story. The indicator light in my car with a tire icon allows me to know there is a tire with low pressure instinctively. The indicator helps me quickly and accurately accept the fact I need to go to the gas station and put air in my tire.
If you are anything like me, you have experienced the wonderfully frustrating feeling of hindsight – if I would have known _____ (fill in the blank) I would’ve been such a better leader. I believe this is true largely because when we have the awareness of the chapter, we are more empowered to accept those moments for what they are. Similar to how character development happens throughout a good story, knowing these indicators helps us embrace this chapter more holistically.
There are two important indicators to quickly mention to help us better recognize this chapter of our story. First, there will be an increase in your own awareness of those gifts and talents you possess. You are not going to be able to pinpoint exactly what they are, how they show up, how to best leverage them or utilize them consistently, but you are going to start having some flashes of clarity. These flashes of awareness will naturally lead you to the next chapter in your story.
Second, there is something we can easily dismiss or convince ourselves we don’t need. There is no rooted story of leadership that doesn’t have other people playing a key role. In this chapter of your story, you will experience colleagues, friends, family and even strangers notice and acknowledge some pieces of your genius. This part of the story requires you to pay close attention to the specifics around what others recognize in and through you.
The Day You Plant the Seed Isn’t The Day You Eat It’s Fruit
There can be difficulty remembering these indicators when you are in the middle of this chapter. The fluctuating nature of seeing the recognition of others, the flashes of genius, moments of clarity are often coupled with the desire to simply skip the chapter all together. However, to be a well | rooted leader, there is a period of time we all must go through where our successes will not be consistent. It takes time, consistent acceptance and timely reminders. The belief we should see consistency in our natural giftings at the moment of awareness would be as logical as expecting an apple tree to drop apples the same day you plant it. I have a question for you - could it be possible our culture of instantaneous outcomes has created a belief in you that possessing real leadership should be that easy as well? The poignant question we all must answer is do we want the real thing?
Part Three
A Different Kind of R&R
It is easy to have our energy, focus and efforts diverted in everyday life. Would you be surprised if I told you recent research shows (worldwide) the average user spends 2 hrs and 23 min per day on social media platforms? The research now shows that we spend 35.8% of our daily online activities on social media. There are many implications to this statistic, but I would suggest at minimum it will create a significant challenge for the next generation of well | rooted leaders.
Rhythms of Rest Have to Outpace Rhythms of Fluctuation
As we walk through the often erratic chapter of SETTLING there is something we must do to counter it. The statistics above not only speak to the distraction of time, but also the allure of scrolling, reading and then thinking we understand the content. Much like an anchor helping a ship weather the fluctuating seas, there are two key responsibilities we must embrace. If we are going to successfully navigate through the settling chapter of our story, we must have intentional rhythms that give us permission to set anchor.
There is a plethora of content out there around the need to take time for R&R. We all see the posts of people skiing on mountains, laying on the beach, vacationing with family. It’s important to say that those things are absolutely wonderful. However, I would like to suggest there is now a need for a different kind of R&R. One that goes beyond time away from our “day job”. Rest and relaxation have their place, but the different R&R I am referring to is reflection & recognition. For us to extract the fullness offered in this season, each of us must find intentional times of reflection and recognition.
Rootedness Is Often a By-Product of Silence
The most direct and unhindered path to meaningful reflection and recognition is silence. There is scientific evidence showing how silence can actually regenerate brain cells. Why is this important? In a chapter of leadership where discovering your natural giftings can be shrouded - oftentimes because of life events - taking time to intentionally sit in silence becomes paramount. Those new neural pathways created in the silence can enable you to look backwards, see accurately and move forward with renewed purpose.
If you are currently a leader of people, I strongly encourage you to find a way to create rhythms for your leaders to intentionally reflect and recognize. A couple of things I have implemented with my current team you could consider: First, every Friday I put a standing calendar invite for the last hour of the day with a weekly framework designed to create reflection and recognition. Second, I placed an additional standing calendar invite called 4+4. This is a monthly (last Friday of each month) calendar invite where I give my leaders an intentional ½ day to leave the office for intentional and deep reflection & recognition.
If you are not a leader of people, I cannot encourage you enough to not wait for a leader to do this for you. Look at your calendar, block out some intentional rhythms to sit in silence and reflect and recognize. Spending time in silence has been one of the most personally challenging and fruitful things I have done over the past 20yrs. If we are going to be well | rooted leaders, there will be a necessity to silently reflect, recognize and disconnect from the distractions constantly vying for our attention. What’s preventing you from taking steps towards the new R&R?
Part Four
Connection in a Disconnected World
As much as technology, modernity and progress create instantaneous access to people and cultures around the globe, it has limitations. It attempts to create a sense of connectedness, yet if we have the courage to look closely we will see it is simply a cubic zirconia - it looks and feels real - but it isn’t. It can certainly be a tool to foster it - taking this post as an example hopefully. But it falls short when compared to people talking face to face in meaningful conversation. Connection is something we all need, even crave, but for many the courage required to have authentic connection is often too high a price to pay.
You Don’t Have Leadership Without Connection
As we spend more time walking through the chapter of SETTLING the roller coaster paradox becomes more tangible. The uncertainty we experience in this chapter of our story does something that can be simultaneously paralyzing and liberating. It exposes the fraud in all of us. In the last ingredient of our chapter we find ourselves in need - not of education, money, title, power or notoriety - of encouragement.
Inevitably when we feel that fraudulent side of us - those moments when we realize we don’t actually possess what we thought - we will find ourselves at a crossroads. We can fake it or we can decide to pursue the real thing. Authentic encouragement from others becomes vital in this moment of our story and this type of encouragement doesn’t come without authentic connection.
The original Webster's 1828 dictionary defines encouragement as the act of giving courage or confidence of success. I would suggest most of what we call encouragement today is often nothing more than flattery at best and at worse disingenuous. We often resort to this “encouragement” simply because we haven’t taken the time to know and connect with those we lead and work with on a daily basis. In this moment we need courage & confidence, but only those who have connected with us and know us are able to do it.
If You Don’t Have Courage or Confidence, You Can’t Give It
For me this moment happened in a Chick-Fil-A with my mentor Chris Gigl. I was six months into a job at a construction company, sitting in a public restaurant with tears in my eyes telling Chris I was too stupid to do the job and that I needed to move on. Yet, there he was - a man who knew me and had taken the time to authentically connect with me - telling me I could do it and that he would be right there with me the entire way.
The day in Chick-Fil-A shifted something. Chris didn’t give me platitudes or self-help mantras, he gave me something he possessed - courage & confidence. I walked away from the meeting still feeling like a fraud and insufficient for the task ahead, but I had been authentically encouraged. He did something for me I had not experienced previously by infusing me with courage and confidence at one of my lowest points.
As we close with this last ingredient in our chapter of Settling there is something each and every well | rooted leader must know and confront. This story and journey of leadership may make you feel like a fraud, inadequate, shine lights on broken parts, but through this process you will need human connection with someone to give encouragement to you. On the other side of the coin are those of us who now lead others that must go deeper and strive to create authentic connection with those we lead. As you have needed the courage and confidence to step into more, it is now your turn to give it to others. To close this chapter we either need to find someone to authentically encourage us or we need to be the one giving it. Regardless, to be well | rooted leaders it will take authentic human connection.
Stay Rooted ~
